Nearly everyone has a memory of running hiccuping into our mother's arms, words mushed together as we sob into her shoulder. The next thing we probably notice in our memories is the simple phrases used to placate our distressed disposition. Phrases such as, "Calm Down," or, "Breathe." Once we have calmed to where we are intelligible, our mother's more than likely caressed our heads, then fixed our problem in the only way that mothers can.
That's all good and well when we're five. Maybe even ten. Yet, as I get older, my mother says these endearing terms less frequently as my peers do. Peers, who don't seem to know what to do with someone outwardly exhibiting their emotions.
I hate it.
As someone who frequently revisits anxiety, has anger issues, and is awkward when coping with anything other than joy, the last thing I want is for a friend to look me dead in the eye and say, "Calm down."
They may think it's cute, or leginitemly will fix 'the problem', but I can't see it that way. I'm expressing myself to you, which is already hard with anxiety. Trying being shy on top of it all. The fact that I I'm openly exhilarated around you, or have finally found words to open to you, means I've trusted you to listen. I promise you I already feel like I'm five without the help of your correlation to that point in my life.
The fact is, opening up feels immature in a way. Everyone is taught today to be continuously happy. As someone who is frequently not, I feel foolish when opening up. When you continue to treat me like I'm your child, and need placated, why would I open up to you again? Clearly, you don't see me as a peer. It makes me feel awkward and immature, and like I've done something wrong.
Something better, if your friend is that distressed, is a solution more mature. "How can fix this?" "Is there something I can do to help you?" "Let's grab ice-cream, and we can cry over a movie together." Phrases I learned, and try to put into practice. Something that fits the age group better than, "Dude, breathe." In contrast, If I'm getting too excited, and the mood is light, jokingly expressing that thought is appropriate. I might even ask you the same. Not when I'm expressing legitimate emotion in a moment of vulnerability.
A peer is a peer, a friend should never be a second mother.
God bless,
Gwen
