Finding Courage with None

I want to start off by wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas! (To those who celebrate it.) 2014 certainly had its up and downs, but this Christmas was a particularly blessed one for me, which promises much for 2015. :)

However, this blog post is dedicated to the wonderful works of Tolkien.

As we are all well aware, the last Tolkien movie was recently released. I went to see it the weekend it came out, and found myself battling a mix of conflicting emotions sparked by the finesse, or lack thereof, of the movie.

There was disappointment in execution, but also a sense of accomplishment that can only be felt after watching a three hour, drug out, over CGI'd film. Some parts I felt were unnecessary and horrible excuses for screen time in the world that is Middle Earth. I was more impressed by Lord of the Rings, and saddened that Jackson had managed to butcher the movies like he did.

So why go see it? To me, it's something of a milestone, the need to see this memorable book on the big screen; to witness how it all ends.

So backstory time, because the Hobbit means more to me then acting and big screens.

When I was around the age of eleven, I was already frustrating my mother and proving to be a challenge. I was simply not learning. Anything. I would not read, I would not write, and certainly was not going to listen to lectures or math lessons with a dry eye. My dearest older sister had already read Pride and Prejudice at the age of ten, and by that time had pretty much devoured any lengthy book that she could get her hands on. She devoured other subjects and was showing promising excellence in math.

Now, everyone learns at their own rate, but I was considerably behind my peers. What little I read I could not retain. IT ended in tears, and multiple tears as my mother scraped everything she could to find something that would spark my interest enough so that I could read anything. IF maybe I could find a subject I enjoyed, perhaps I would do better in my other studies.

I began reading some of Margaret Henry's work. (Brighty of Grand Canyon, Black Gold, etc.) Still, it took my weeks to read those, and even more teeth pulling to even get me started.

My elevnth birthday was swiftly approaching, and still reading and learning in general were fights for me. We all have our time, but mine was coming quite late, and being an introvert (and shy to top it all) I had nothing to me. No interests, no friends, and an immense hate for socializing and school. I was odd and had something of a dark humor.

Then comes the most prominent memory from my childhood.

On a sunny July afternoon, I had become quite bored. Nothing, not even my horses that I played with, were keeping me occupied. My sister recommended I read, which I quickly declined. Reading was frustrating for me. When I finally read, it gave me headaches and I couldn't ever remember anything, there was no point to reading.

"No," she said, "You just haven't read something you enjoy."

This was a new concept for me. Reading was painful, who in their right minds would enjoy it?

She had looked at me desperately, for she had tried every book in our small library to try and get me to like something, before her eyes fell on a weathering, old and faded, light orange copy of the Hobbit.

She had picked it up gingerly and softly placed it into my hands saying, "Now, I know you will enjoy this. "

NAturally, I panicked. I recognized the author of the Lord of the Rings, movies I hated because they were scary, and tried ot give the book back.

She had just shaken her head, "No, at least try it. Please, I really think you'll enjoy it. It's not Lord of the Rings anyways, it's different. Funnier, full of quests, with ridiculous little men."

I had frowned at her, grumbled, and then really looked at the cover. On it, this was an old version, was a picture of an eagle's nest with a tall man in blue robes, and a smaller man who looked funny.

This was our cover, but ours was faded and yellow.

I went against my better judgement, cuddled up in my mom's old, white, arm chair, and prepared for torture.

"In the hole in the ground, their lived a Hobbit..."

I devoured that poor book. For the first time I was intrigued by something other than picture books. It was the first book I lost that I destroyed the house looking for. When I stayed up late to finish it my parents weren't even angry; she was reading.

The first book I cried, laughed, and became attached to. For my birthday I begged for Lord of the Rings, which they gave to me happily. I devoured those to, so when I heard they were making a movie, I simply had to see it.

I no longer feared people, the world was suddenly a happier place knowing Hobbits existed. It showed me being sad was ok, but so was being happy. Adventures were scary, but worth the risk. It's ok to change, to be laughed at, to be loved and to have unexpected parties. Suddenly to be a Hobbit my entire life wasn't so endearing. I met one of my best friends that year, and lost another. Tolkien taught me that that was me growing, and people would often come and go. He told the dangers of pride, the dangers of detachment, and the heart breaks of loving someone. Not in any romance, but so beautifully platonic IT hurt to love, but to not love was perpetual lonely pain.

So yes, It's frustrating that Jackson butchered the movies that meant so much to me, At the same time, I'm glad he gave a face to my fictional friends. I got to know some of them. I got to say farewell to my favorite character, Thorin Oakenshield. Who will always and forever be my favorite character. For his bravery, flaws, and love of what's noble.

So, thank you Mr. Tolkien for showing my who I was. I honestly don't know what I would have done without you.

With love,

Gwen Keller.

I quite enjoy the season of Fall, of which we are approaching. For me, it's Spring without the tornadoes.
What more could you ask for?

As in an introvert, I gain energy from spending quiet time with myself. Doesn't have to be in my room, but I need my good hour from my day, where I spend time by myself. IT can studying, writing, even browsing the internet. However, this does not mean I am addicted to inside or succumb to laziness. Quite the opposite.

As long as I am by myself, work is what cheers me and actually has made me a happier person. Sitting around all day (for anyone) can't be good for you. We were made to get out and leave our parent's abode at some point. How do you think families were made?

We don't necessarily have to close our selves off from our loved ones; quite the opposite actually. It proves us even stronger when we maintain our relationships even away from home.

You're probably asking, "Where is this going, and when will this end."

My sister recently joined the convent.

I guess the family is taking it well, but distancing myself has become a safe house I am well accustomed to using. When I was apart of a relationship that was in no way reflecting God, I reacted by immediately breaking up. Of course, not after things escalated and other people were hurt in the process, but in the end I distanced myself from people and became addicted to movies in an attempt to forget everything that had happened.

I gain energy away from people, but does that include God?

I'm not mad at my sister, but strangely have been at peace. It took my a while to figure out why.

IT was strange for me because I haven't been this peaceful in a while. People, I am a worrier to the tenth degree, but my sister, my best friend, my confirmation sponsor, left, and I was at peace. I finally realized that the two year bumpy relationship that I'd had with God had been reconciled. I realized, that the supposed safe house I had built around myself had not only distanced my from other people, but had also distanced me from Him.

When I was at my low in faith, He offered peace to my sister. And in turn, I also received peace.

If my number one fan can trust her life so fully to God, who am I to say that he doesn't exist? That I can't focus more in mass. That I can't pray maybe once or twice more in my day. That I can't thank him for the sky when it's blue.

Fall is my favorite time year, full of leaves tinted by God's paintbrush. So I am happy. Why spend my precious introverted moments alone, when I could spend them with God?

Bless you all,

Gwen

National Day Of...

First off: I apologize for all the bad grammar on the last post.

Second: On top of whatever I feel like posting, I will try to also post what the national day is for that day as a writing prompt. Starting tomorrow, I will also try to be writing drabbles (writings of a hundred words or less) with those prompts.

Today, June 23, 2014,  I found some interesting ones.

1. National Pecan Sandy Day

2. National Pink Day

So there you go. :)

Have a blessed day,

Gwen

A Bond of Blood

Today, I want to make a simple post about fictional sibling relationships that are real and I adore. These may be from things I have heard about, or only seen a little of, but I find my top ten to be the sibling relationships that I connect with more, and have loved at first glance.

Some spoilers. We'll also label this as a more nerdy round. :)

10. Arthur and Morgana Pendragon from Merlin. 



This is number ten because I don't think the show really touched them, but I love it because of their relationship in seasons 1-3. Morgana was always pushing for him to do the right thing, and in that he supported her. Though, like siblings, they hold their usual banters and disagreements, I still find them endearing.

9. Sherlock and Mycroft from BBC's Sherlock. 




Though they both keep the facade of insensitivity, it is to me, very obvious they care they have for each other. Season 2 episode 1 even has Mycroft on the phone with John, warning him that it is a danger night. Season 3 has him even playing games and deducing with his brother. Again, they keep up the banter, but their love is never really lost.

8. Eragon and Murtagh from Eragon. 



Going from only the books, I admire these two for keeping on some levels of understanding despite their different views. Even when his brother has betrayed him, Eragon, in the end, still makes an effort to bring him back.

7. Thor and Loki 



I love these two because we have the classic case of ignorance and redemption. Thor, all his life, never really knew how much Loki suffered under their father's harshness, but they manage to keep up a some what stable relationship in the first movie. Though they are not aware of it, when they combined forces in Thor the Dark World, they will literally unstoppable. Their chemistry and immediate connection when they aren't bickering, is what put them at seven.

6. Fili and Kili from The Hobbit.



What makes me love them is their death scene from the book. They both harbored such a love for their uncle, both going out of their way to protect him. Even in the fighting scenes they are often collaborating and fighting as one. And as fate would have it, they died "protecting their uncle with shield, and body." 

5. Deborah and Miss Mattie from Cranford.



What put them at number 5 is their respect for each other. There was no constantly fighting, and the older sister kept the wand, but the younger sister could always persuade her one direction or another. Deborah ran the house hold with Mattie at her heels, but not once did they treat each other sourly, which I admired.

4. Katniss and Prim Everdeen from The Hunger Games. 



The older sibling fighting to protect the youngest from the world, as they try to reach their hand out through their siblings wings. Their relationship was heart breaking in all senses of the word, but again, they had few to none arguments. Here was nice, because we see the younger taking a leap to protect her older sister and assist her, while allowing her to do the same. Sweet and beautiful.

3. Sam and Dean Winchester from Supernatural.


Here is a show that has gotten everything wrong but the sibling chemistry. Though I have seen barely any, most of this comes from Tumblr, this relationship is a fav. Dean having practically raised Sam his entire life, you get a new meaning to older protective sibling. Though they go through much, their relationship always manages to pull through.

2. Lucy and Edmond from The Chronicles of Narnia. 



I chose these two because we get to see their friendship until the end. Despite his flaws, Lucy's quick forgiving heart lands her a place in his forever. Him being quiet and reserved, and her more outgoing, they make the perfect pair for tackling problems, but still maintain the sibling fluff that we all adore.

1. Betty and Judy Haynes from White Christmas. 



They argue, they are quick to assume, and more than anything, simply wish for the others happiness. They are number 1 because they are the embodiment of sisters. The quirks, fights, and love are so very realistic. With a happy ending, we can only assume they continue their good relationship despite the new men in their lives.

So there you have it, let me know your fav or what you thought. :)
stay tuned next week for the top ten friendships.

God Bless,

Gwen

What do you mean it's not a living nightmare?

I'm back, again.

This post is going to be a little more family oriented. I'm not going to go into a huge amount of detail, I don't really need to, but I was hoping to get a point across. My life is not a living nightmare.

Sure, I can be over-dramatic and anti-climatic at times, but just because my family is large, and I only have one sister, does not make my life interesting, chaotic, or any other stereotypical words applicable in today's society. Honestly, when I tell you my mom has eight kids (myself included) and is pregnant with her ninth child and that I only have one sister, save me the time, and don't look surprised. I've seen, and heard, it all. "Wow, it must be a pain to study," and, " I bet you fight all the time." Yes, I'm sure our family of ten fights all the time, that's why were still alive and functioning.

The fact that I have so many siblings, actually means the opposite. Sure, we have our disagreements, but we also have to work together to make sure there isn't ten people constantly yelling. If all we ever did was fight nothing would get done. If I wasn't friends with my siblings I would have no one at my back. We're basically our own little society. Sure, it's odd and "old-fashioned", but my parents chose to have us. They chose to raise us. So shouldn't we at least chose to get along?

 I understand, we can be overwhelming. Not everyone has nine kids, certainly  not today, but nine doesn't mean chaos. If anything, it means more love. I get to come home everyday with little brothers looking up to me and asking "how was work", what could be better? In the long run, I get a little glimpse of why my parents had us.

So, please, don't mark my life as a living hell the moment I mention that I have a billion siblings. I enjoy cake and movies just as much as the next person, I simply have more minions.

God bless,

Gwen

Getting A Job

It's that time of year.

That's right.

High school employment.

I decided I was going to apply to an array of stores, anything from shoe to grocery stores, and try luck. Anything to get out of the house for the Summer and make money before my mom started applying for me.

The first store I applied to, a grocery store, didn't respond for a time, until I was at a convention. She asked me some questions, and I got an interview.

Yes, though it was a grocery store, the first place I applied to and I already had an interview. *applauds*

Now, for most people, this is a walk in the park. It's a grocery store. What could possibly go wrong?

Not a lot actually. Being socially awkward as I was though, when she called, I was at a conference. Not being able to hear her very well, I promised to call back. I did, we set up an interview, but at this point it was too late. The poor socially awkward me had already decided that I was never going to get a job, because I sucked at life, and had to call her back. She probably hated me. Granted, I did have an interview, but she was being nice I told myself.

So on Monday, I spent the entire day stressing out. When I did finally leave for the interview, I realized I had left my social security number at home. I just happened to need it. Now, let me stop and say this, it takes fifteen minutes to get anywhere from my house. I had twenty minutes to get to the interview, and we now had to turn around. I was ready to die.


Going home and making it back made me late by three minutes. None of that mattered. I had failed and BAMN! Back to job hunting for me.

Turns out, they didn't hate me. They were just preparing for me as well. Win win situation. :)

They gave me a bunch of stuff to answer, which I did as best I could, and was offered a job position. I'm excited. And scared. Because, you know, socially awkward. I'm doomed.

Just know, you can get a job. Your first job doesn't have to be Disney, but don't worry. God has a plan. :)

-Gwen

One of Those Days

Pardon, I Need A Moment to Rant

I think the Rembrandts have the best definition, "You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight.

You've burned your breakfast, so far things are going great." 

We ourselves have gotten to a point where burning staples, such as food, have become less of a problem than other things in out life. I would be able to attest to this. 

This year, I have had the fortunate opportunity to eat lunch with the same group of friends as last year at school. Which, don't get me wrong, is a lot of fun. I couldn't have asked God for something more enjoyable to get me through this school year. One friend though has seemingly made it their goal to get on my nerves all year.

Not that I don't love her, but getting to know her this past school year really has revealed to me that I am me only to her convenience. I hope I don't do the same, certainly not deliberately, but the least you could do is actually be a friend there for me. 

Two weeks ago a kid in her class insulted Harry Potter.  If someone insulted my fandom, I would be a bit upset. She spent the entire lunch period going on how it was a personal offense, and that one girl really meant to offend her, etc.

I was glad when my friend's boyfriend said something, I was about to lose it, that didn't stop her from ignoring us. Fine, you don't know how not to act like a five-year-old, we'll treat you like one.

Now, I can understand being dedicated, but the best fans are those who can accept criticism. Really, I don't think it was a personal attack.

I know this is a stupid rant, and the best one can do is go through the rest of the year and be there for that friend, but every now and then it's nice to rant. Because really, there are only so many times you can say you're busy, before I catch on that you're ignoring me. But go ahead and act like my best friend in public when every one can see you. That's fine.

 So, on  less whiny and bratty tone, I have finished draft one of my book. :) I'm crazy excited, and hope that after the school year ends, I will have time to edit and create draft two. :) My goal this Summer is to have the final draft done and ready. For what, I'm not sure. Probably for my family to read. :)

Have a great afternoon,

Gwen