I've lost a friend.
No, they're not dead.
Simply, lost.
I'm not sure I can find them again. I'm not sure loose strings will ever heal, or much needed words will ever be spoken. I would say it's my fault but I'm sick of every person I come across acting like every problem in the relationship they have with me is because of me.
You can ignore me, that's not my problem. At least I pretend that it's not.
I will cry at this loss. Probably to sleep at some point. I will miss this friend. Miss them like I miss everyone I seem to disconnect from. Someday I'll probably look back and realize the problem was me. Blaming myself always seems like the best fall back plan.
However, I will not stop for them. I will move further into my life, and into what I love despite their wanting to be removed. I will breathe as I do every day. I will find new roads and doors, even open them happily.
I cannot hesitate and command myself to the wishes of anyone I come into paths with.
I am my own person. I have my own needs.
I will miss this person, as they feel so lost to me. As lost things are always so often precious to those who had known them.
Goodbye old friend, I wish you the very best in your life. In fact, I hope it's fantastic.
-Gwen
