I Miss You, But I Can Live Without You

When we say we lost something, it's assumed that it's possible to find again. The absence of the "thing" is not permanent. It isn't "gone", it's temporarily misplaced. 

I've lost a friend. 

No, they're not dead. 

Simply, lost. 

I'm not sure I can find them again. I'm not sure loose strings will ever heal, or much needed words will ever be spoken. I would say it's my fault but I'm sick of every person I come across acting like every problem in the relationship they have with me is because of me. 

You can ignore me, that's not my problem. At least I pretend that it's not. 

I will cry at this loss. Probably to sleep at some point. I will miss this friend. Miss them like I miss everyone I seem to disconnect from. Someday I'll probably look back and realize the problem was me. Blaming myself always seems like the best fall back plan. 

However, I will not stop for them. I will move further into my life, and into what I love despite their wanting to be removed. I will breathe as I do every day. I will find new roads and doors, even open them happily. 

I cannot hesitate and command myself to the wishes of anyone I come into paths with. 

I am my own person. I have my own needs. 

I will miss this person, as they feel so lost to me. As lost things are always so often precious to those who had known them.

Goodbye old friend, I wish you the very best in your life. In fact, I hope it's fantastic. 

-Gwen