In spite of the fact that I've promised you all I'd start blogging more and journaling, I've done none it. I've actually found myself leaning ever so darker into the abyss that is the existential crisis.
Just when I thought I had left the circle of societal pressure, and beauty magazines as a whole, I found myself flipping through a beauty website again today. Like all other times, there was a present self-doubt accompanied by the sick hope that maybe, just maybe, if I had those products, thicker hair, and a more charming personality I might be more beautiful. I might be encouraged to exercise more and be skinnier, and who knows? Maybe I'd finally be inspired to finish that daft, short novel of mine.
It's a fleeting feeling, I realize, to feel elevated/encouraged by new make-up ideas, brighter, more organic ways to clear skin, or even simple hair masks. Yes, hair masks. Yet, the feeling is often quickly replaced by self-doubt, and a need to do anything to simply be pretty.
I want to look like the ideal Pinterest girl.
Skinny.
Trendy outfits.
Thick, natural curly hair.
Aggravating can't even begin to explain this emotion.
On those notes, I will continue to not let my looks affect my writing, and will be slowly be pulling myself from social media a smidgen. Not selfishly I hope, or jealous of everyone else's looks, but in an attempt to realize that we are all naturally beautiful, even if I don't look like someone else who I believe is more beautiful than me.
Do with this information what you will, but realize, you are more than what society pegs you as.
With love,
Gwen
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